While the holiday season brings another year to an end, it also brings the power to derail any of our previous dietary improvements. For those of us easily seduced by abundant holiday treats, we rationalize that January’s resolutions will come soon enough—for then we will make our health a priority. But for those of us who are determined not to let the holidays interrupt our healthy strides, it can be a time of particular frustration.
The social pressures to partake in holiday goodies can be relentless. We run the risk of being ridiculed dare we decline the hallowed Christmas sugar cookie: “Oh, come on, get in the spirit!” What we choose to eat (and not eat) is more open to comment during the holiday season than at any other time of the year as we find ourselves surrounded by others at holiday office parties and family feasts.
I mean really... Why do other people care if we’re trying to eat healthier, and why do they insist on offering their two cents about it? This interaction can often be frustrating to the person on the receiving end of the two cents. However, it’s helpful to understanding a little bit about why others feel the need to question and correct our food choices, as well as how to tactfully reply to them.
There are two groups of people likely to question your attempts to maintain good health during the holidays. The first group includes people who want to rescue you from dietary deficiency. Ironically, these folks are often very unhealthy themselves and/or usually know very little about which foods are truly health-promoting for humans. The second group includes the people closest to you for whom your dietary choices may signal a departure from them and may remind them of their own dietary shortcomings.
The first group is usually comprised of people outside of our immediate family and friends, usually acquaintances or coworkers. Their well-intentioned inquiries most commonly stem from health messages they’ve heard in the media or read in fad diet books (both suspect sources).
Additionally, when they see us eating differently than them, it makes them uncomfortable. Most humans find comfort in sameness, this is why it can really take a lot of courage to change your diet, and break out of comfort zones. When others pressure us to conform to their ways of thinking and eating, their discomfort is somewhat alleviated.
One approach to inquiries by this group is to avoid discussing your current health philosophies and actions in any real depth. The Pleasure Trap, an insightful book that looks at our behavior psychology in regard to food, written by Dr. Douglas Lisle, suggests that instead, you can say something like, "I am experimenting with a healthier lifestyle and am still learning, but it seems to be working well so far." Even though there may be a lot more to it for you, this allows the inquirer an easy retreat and doesn’t put you in the awkward position of having to defend your food choices right then and there.
As for the second group of inquirers, mainly family and friends, their motivation is to also keep you anchored in familiar ways that feel safe, but also to not place them in a position of having to reflect on their own dietary habits. Seeing you move forward toward better health can trigger such feelings and cause them discomfort and/or embarrassment.
The Pleasure Trap suggests that we can, in our own words, relay to those we care about that we still value them and that we don’t feel we are better than them because we eat differently. These Interactions can be especially trying since: we care for those closest to us, we want to continue being a part of their group, and we do not want to stir up conflict. By staying true to our path while explaining that we are a work in progress (a tactic the book calls “integrity with humility”), discomfort for all involved can be lessened or eliminated.
If you are dedicated to upholding your dietary goals over the holidays, keep the above thoughts in mind when challenges arise, and try to exercise kindness in your responses. And if you happen to be the person who is prone to well-intentioned comments to others about their food choices, try framing your inquiries in ways that are respectful and with an open mind: "So you don't eat ham? That's interesting; what brought you to that decision?" As opposed to: "How on earth are you going to get all the protein you need if you don't eat meat?"
For all concerned, it is important to remember that each of us becomes educated, finds enlightenment, and pursues change in our own time.
Kathy,
Thank you so much for your recipes and insight. I am newly vegan- one month- and while I have great support at home others I get the barrage of questions - how do you get enough protein and why would you punish yourself comments. Your holiday post is great for someone like me without answers at the ready. But now I find myself saying that I am really enjoying the food (thanks to your recipes), supporting the environment, but most of all my allergies are better, lost 10 pounds, and my blood pressure is down. I just don't see how that is punishment. After being on an all protein diet, coming off and and gaining all my weight back it is wonderful to have potatoes, carrots, squash and still loose weight!
Thank you,
Susan
Hi Susan, that's wonderful! Thank you for your comments. 🙂
I am determined to stay strong this holiday season. Last year didn't go as well as I would have liked but it was a learning moment for me. I realized that the cravings that I had worked so hard to get rid of came back. I felt that they were stronger. This year a friend asking if I would have a piece of pie that had sugar. I simply said thank you but I could not. I told them that I had worked so hard this last year to get rid of my sugar cravings and that I had accomplished so much in regard to my health, I was not willing to give that all up for a piece of pie.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Maria! 😉
Thanks for this article Cathy. I became very irritated at a co-worker recently who kept insisting that I eat a fried samosa on my birthday. At first she handed me a plate of three giant fried samosas that I declined. I told her I don't eat fried foods. Then she told me to take just one. I said I did not want it and I wasn't hungry anyway. She kept telling me to take it and maybe I'll want to eat it later. "one samosa won't kill you." I finally had to raise my voice and state firmly that I was not going to eat it, and she finally backed off. I felt so irritated for most of that morning. I know she had no mean intentions and just wanted to share and offer me something for my birthday, but I just wish people would not try to push me off the track that I work so hard to stay on. Your article made me feel a lot better.
Thank you Gira! 🙂 I've definitely had similar experiences.
Great advice! I love the "integrity with humility" approach. I need to read the The Pleasure Trap!!! Thanks for sharing.
Great post! I've been finding it hard for people to understand why it is I choose not to eat meat or dairy. What I also find frustrating is when they know I'm vegan...they still serve me things with butter or eggs 🙁 In the past few days I can't tell you how many times I went to bite into something to only find out after that it has butter or dairy..very annoying!!!
A lot of people aren't clear on what "vegan" is or even what "dairy" encompasses. These situations can be great opportunities for education. I will usually offer a short clarification when something like this comes up, and then if they seem interested in knowing more or reply with a question, I will offer more information. 🙂
Thank you for this! I always get anxiety when going to family functions or out to eat because I want to stick to my healthful lifestyle but don't want others to "skinny-shame" or make comments on my eating habits. It gives me comfort knowing I'm not the only one who experiences this and that there are polite ways to respond.
haha! yes, starting to encounter these two types of people. well put.
it's like if you told them you started jogging and they retort, "JOGGING? why. and why so strict. you know actually i jog too. i get pleeeenty of joggin..." 😂😂😂